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BLISS

Hey guys, I’m actually actively trying to write again on here and I know I said it before but here’s me actually doing it! (I’m totally not avoiding making a presentation due in two days…) So hello!

The title gives away what this post will be about. So, I’m going to be talking about my bliss and how I found it.

Joseph Campbell, an author famous for promoting the idea of the hero’s journey in literature once said this: “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”

For me, bliss is the same as whatever you’re passionate about. I am lucky that I have found it so early in life. It isn’t easy to find something that can keep you enraptured and captivated for life.

But bliss isn’t just about what makes you happy (its not selfish thing), being intoxicated or doing things or being addicted to things that give you the illusion of happiness is not the same. Its something that you will find yourself always coming back to. It is something that you can do for hours and feel like it had been an exciting five minutes.

Following your bliss, is adding a vitality and meaning to your life that you would not have normally have found doing something you feel you should do, for example, choosing a job for its potential income or choosing a job because you care what other people think or want of you.

I found my bliss unknowingly the very first time I was in my grandmother’s sewing room. I had not realized at that moment at 8 years old that I would start cultivating a life long love of design and fashion. As the years went on, I never truly believed I would ever truly be able to work in the fashion industry – it seemed too risky – but I still dreamed of it. Fast forward to senior year and I had started to doubt whether or not I should pursue it as my parents wanted me to be a teacher (nothing wrong with that but I wasn’t super enthusiastic about it). I was so indecisive, there was a hesitance to my college applications, a hesitation to that commitment to something I didn’t really want.

So, I’m to take classes at community college but I decide to start my monthly dress series right before classes start and that spark to design is reignited but is still hesitant. I was still unsure of what I wanted for my life and I decide for the winter- why not? – to take one of the college’s fashion design courses and I knew then that the only thing I wanted to do with my life was design, to create and to beautify. I had never known a happiness and a love for something so great until it finally clicked in my heart and in my head that this was my passion, my talent, my path. It was an amazing feeling in the moment. I continue my monthly dresses and now I’m hustling because I’m taking on two more design classes each taking up 15 hours of my week on top of two other general ed. classes and now I’m super stressed, always sewing, always thinking about what I have to do next. I’ll transfer to the fashion school I had been thinking about forever in October.But I will say that I have never been so happy to feel so frustrated and tired and overworked.

This is my bliss and I’m going after it.

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so i got sick

Y’all have no idea how annoyed I was at my inability to instill in myself enough stubbornness to write a blog post when I said I was going to. I was originally going to post on November 6, because, well, midterm elections. But, my body decided to get sick so here I am a day late. Still sick by the way.

SO let’s start with basic recap on my experiences with voting for the first time ever. It was a lot more research than I anticipated, and there was a lot of names I didn’t recognize which was not that surprising. I’m an independent so I voted entirely based on whichever candidate I felt like would do the best in that specific position. I’ve voted for Republicans and Democrats simply because compared to the others, that person seemed like a better choice. Don’t ask me who I voted for specifically because I can’t remember at the moment. I’m definitely excited to vote again.

What else did I have to say?

I haven’t started my December Dress yet, which I should.

I got sick like four days ago and I’m still not recovered as I’m writing this. Some kind of viral infection in my throat (the doc didn’t specify which kind of viral infection, which confused me but its not strep throat so that’s a relief). I’ve been hopped up on ibuprofen and water.

Things are great with the boyfriend, which is awesome, dunno if I’ve mentioned that we’ve made up.

It’s the holiday season which means Christmas songs can be played all the time without getting funny looks.

So yeah. Good times.

xox celestie

 

diary 10-23-18

So.. sometimes when I’m feeling upset, its easier to process how I feel with words. I essentially word vomit everything I have to say.

Its been two days since my last ‘diary entry.’

My love life took a turn for the worst, maybe one day I’ll share the specifics of what happened, but for now I’ll keep it to myself. Suffice to say that I’ve never felt such a heart-wrenching pain in my life and I’ll be honest, I ugly-cried for like two hours straight in the back of my car because I didn’t trust myself to drive after it happened.

Its been maybe eight hours since the ‘Incident’ and I’m still sad but at the same time calmer. My eyes burn and I feel slightly dehydrated but even though I feel absolutely awful, I know we can come back from this.

I do love him dearly, and that will never change.

You know, I’m someone who learns best from personal experiences and I know that to those around me, I might be acting too forgiving or too hasty or whatever. But, I know that if I just stand by and let it happen, I could never forgive myself. Especially if I could have done something that changed the outcome. So, I feel like I did all that I could but it doesn’t stop it from hurting.

I give so much relationship advice and I can’t help but wonder if the advice I’m giving is good advice. The advice I give others is based on what I would do in that situation. But if I’m making the wrong decisions, how would I know? Choosing to trust and forgive is easy for me, because its all I know. But what if I’m wrong?

 

xoxo celestie

diary 10-21-18

Dear diary, I’ve decided that even though I have midterms on Monday that I would write a little something as a sort of break from studying – but if I’m being honest I’m very bad at studying anyways, so I feel like the break won’t really affect much. ANYWAYS, aside from my super bad studying habits, I wanted write out some of my disjointed thoughts about my newest relationship, boyfriend, whatever.

We’ve been dating for I would say maybe a month and a half.

It was a lot of hesitancy on my part at first because I prefer slowly getting into relationships, meaning being friends first then dating, etc. but he was and still is a roller coaster ride. I thought he had only wanted me for my body at first. I thought that he was one of those ‘love ’em and leave ’em’ type of guys. Which totally confirmed my thoughts about being friends first when it comes to relationships.

But, I took a chance and went on a date with him and I’m happy I took a chance.

It was scary because it happened so fast and its still scary.

I’m very attached to him now and when I try and imagine what it would be like if he left, it hurts.

I think that if we slowed down, I’d be less nervous than I am now. What I mean by fast, I mean I’ve met his best friends and he’s met my family-these are important milestones in a relationship and its strange to me how fast it all is. Its new is what I’m trying to say.

And, there’s still those insecurities that I’m sure most people get when they get into new relationships (or maybe they don’t and I’m just odd, I don’t know). Sometimes, I wonder am I good enough? Am I being supportive enough? Am I doing this or that enough? And, I know myself well enough that these insecurities are lingering doubts on whether dating someone right now is the right option for me at this stage in my life, where I probably should be focusing more on school over dividing it in half. But, I also know myself well enough that I’m too stubborn to let him go.

But, he makes me happy so we’ll see how it goes.

Also, (I’m pretty sure he’ll end up reading this sooner or later, soo… ) he looks better with glasses.

Aside from that, I’ve decided that I still don’t know when I’ll post in the future. BUT, because it was five am when I wrote this, and we all make weird decisions when its early in the morning, I’ll post again for sure on November 1st and 6th. Those dates are significant for reasons I’m sure you can figure out yourself

XOXO,

celestie

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