My sister, prior to me writing this (obviously LOL), asked me for a friend of hers, if I believed if cheaters can change- and I said,
-that he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place if he cared for her.
-he shouldn’t have cheated on her if he even respected her, even just a little bit.
This lack of respect reminds me of the relationship my best friend had with this guy (yes, I did get permission to tell this story).
I think that while he genuinely liked her for quite a while, he was also burdened by expectations from his friends and people that only knew of him.
I remember when we were kids-fifth graders, everyone knew he had a crush on her and they both had been teased about it for quite a while. Flash forward to the summer before senior year-they go on their first date. It’s all roses and sunshine, I went on a couple double dates with them, etc. Then comes time for college application month, NaNoWriMo to some, etc. Basically, November-the month of craziness. They have their first fight over not going out on enough dates. She’s busy with college stuff so she can’t go out and so they argue. He isn’t happy and basically ignores her for the next four months and the most talking they do is small talk over text. OVER TEXT, guys. Its silent. She finally was able to get a chance to break up with him late May. So, what this tells me is that there were a lot of issues that were never addressed and still have not been addressed. Both had issues and I’m not blind to her problems just because she’s my best friend.
A lack of communication. When the only method of communication that a couple is comfortable using is text-well that’s a big no-no isn’t it.
Too much pressure. Like I mentioned previously, a lot of people had played matchmaker with them and I think one of the reasons they got together was because so many people were indirectly pressuring them to be together.
Both acted cowardly (in my opinion, sorry bestie!). Anyways, they never really confronted each other in person-which ties back to the communication portion. They ignored their problems until it blew up in their faces.
She could have made time for him-the whole argument they had-could have been avoided had she made time for him. Relationships are all about give-and-take, compromise.
At the same time, it was a busy time for her and he could have been more understanding.
Ultimately none of these things that are kind of important to a successful relationship existed.
I side with her because she’s my best friend, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she wasn’t also in the wrong ya know?
She doesn’t play victim and she knows she has issues-I don’t fake sympathizing with her because she doesn’t need it. I’m proud that she respects herself and him enough to not play victim, to not point fingers.
Find someone who will respect you first as a person, then pursue a relationship if that’s what you wish.