DISCLAIMER THESE ARE ALL OPINIONS NO ONE IS FORCING ANYONE TO ACCEPT WHAT IM SAYING LOL
Someone recently (today haha) asked me about couple compatibility. And, for me, it all comes down to similar core values.
Core values as in the same or similar beliefs in regards to different virtues and vices (I totally borrowed these words from my ethics class). Virtues like honesty, compassion, and pride (there are others lol). Vices like killing, lying, and greed. There are spectrums to these things and I think we all have an opinion/belief on them. So when these core values coincide with another person is when I think compatibility exists between people, it doesn’t always have to be couples, it can be friends too.
I don’t think that having exactly the same interests is as important compared this. Like yes, you can bond over having the same favorite artists or the same show, but it’s not as important. The saying “opposites attract,” is not true in terms of core values.
To give an example, my sister and I have been opposites from since we were very young, we have different interests, different styles, different favorites, different personalities-opposites almost. But the one thing that we are the same in, is our core beliefs-we both value the same things in people and in ourselves: compassion and consideration for others, generosity because we are privileged, all these things. And, one might say that of course we have similar values, we were raised together by the same parents-but my other sister differs completely from us in terms of values. I’m not saying she doesn’t value the same things, but she puts more importance on other things.
But I was also asked what a couple should do if they find themselves incompatible by my defintion. And to what extent? What lines shouldn’t be crossed?
I personally don’t believe that a couple would be together if they were completely incompatible. I think that something must have drawn them together in the first place aside from physical appearance. BUT on the off chance that it does happen, I would say that (as a true romantic would) that if they loved each other enough and they were willing to fight for each other enough, then they should be able to get through it. And, I’m not saying that they should pretend like their differences don’t exist and ignore the problem entirely. But, I think that if they were willing to put in the effort to stay together, then they should focus that effort into understanding the other person’s point of view to gain some clarity.
But, the thing is with this is that, relationships will never be easy-even amongst compatible couples.
But there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed y’know?
To give an example (no this did not happen to me LOL):
An ‘incompatible’ couple with differing views on let’s say killing. Person 1 believes that it’s okay to kill others in defense of family and friends. Person 2 completely disagrees and believes that you should never ever kill anyone no matter the circumstances. Person 1 also believes that lying is unacceptable, that you should always be honest with yourself and others. Person 2 thinks that there are exceptions to this. They both accept that the other has different beliefs from themselves, but they choose to ignore it, they don’t talk about it because its a ‘touchy’ subject. They pretend this problem doesn’t exist-and thats’s not healthy. It’s borderline toxic even, at least in my opinion because I made this basic scenario up.
If person 2 was completely blinded by his/her love (infatuation?) for person 1, that they were ignorant to a difference in values, then I would also consider that to be toxic.
But, what I’m trying to say is that I feel the line is crossed when the relationship becomes toxic. Toxic is subjective, it is different for every relationship so I won’t label something definitively as being toxic. But, I definitely feel like this is one of those things where you have to let your friends in and have them keep you in check. At least, that’s what I do and I make sure they know I appreciate them and what they have to say even if I don’t agree.
thanks for reading this lol
relationships are my soapbox if you longtime readers haven’t noticed yet.